HAPPY SPRINKLES OR CRAPPY SPRINKLES

     I decided that I was going to try to blog in the AM or whenever I wake up for the day.  Usually when I can look back on the events of the day with a little more of "not in the heat of the moment" stuff.  Not that that is always bad "). 
     Let's see. this has been a rough and also an exciting week.  The Joey was sick with what I had for the first couple days this week.  Tuesday I had to go to Independence to pick up something I got off Craigslist, Christmas present and so I had to take him with me.  I was dreading it.  First of all I don't like driving very far, especially where I'm not super familiar with the area or I don't know exactly where I'm going.  Plus I had decided that since JOey and I were both going and we were right at the mall that we would go to Build-A-Bear since we never have before, starting a new tradition for us YAY!!!  We had so much fun, even feeling as bad as we did ").  We did the Build A Bear thing, which I was as excited as he was.  We both sleep with our bears ").  We got our pics taken in one of those photo booths and had a giant Christmas cookies and an Icee.  Walked around the mall, it was really really fun and I did not have any anxiety or panic at all.  Even on the drive WOOHOO.
     Then of course the happy is always paid for with crappy.  Someone else that made me a target and thinks I was doing or implying or thinking stuff that I wasn't.  I know it's nuts but I don't understand why people can't just believe my intentions are good.  It's almost like as soon as they see it, they have to find a bad tag to put on me, whether it's true or not. 
     I honestly have no desire to make anyone feel bad, to get anything for free, to take advantage of anyone, or use anyone for anything.  I really do want to make everyone I meet get happies when they are around me.  I don't want to leave anyone with hurtful feelings ever.  So usually when that happens it's because they don't want to hear or to believe that there is a reasonable explanation or that I didn't really do what they presume I did or what my intentions were.  I love loving, I love being loved. I depise anyone being angry at me or even worse hurt over something that was misread, misheard or seriously unintentional.  To think that there are so many out there that believe that I do have bad intentions or that I'm wanting to hurt anyone,  it makes me sad, because I want so bad and try so hard, even at my own detriment or risk, to leave people with the happy.  I truly don't understand.  I'm far from the best, kindest  person in the world, I do make mistakes, sometimes I say things that either sound bad or out of anger and frustration, just like anyone else.  My thing is that even when things are said or done, you can always do something.  Get the other person's side of the story and they hear yours.  Try to understand why it felt for them or you the way it did and try to understand why it happened and I think usually you will find that it wasn't mean at all and both parties have logical points.
     What I am really sick of is that anytime there is any and all conflicts now don't turn to discussion and understanding, they turn into unfriending, unfamilying-cut off, disappear, throw away all of the good parts and not even making an effort to know what actualy happened.  Perception seems to be the judge and jury for every relationship now. 
     None of us are always right, none of us always knows best, none of us knows everything about anything.  Each of us has something to offer to others-if they wanna listen.  We can learn so much from others, whether we think so or not.  I think that too much advice is way better than not enough or winging it on your own. Thinking you know everything about anything is a total life screw up thing.  When people give advice they aren't saying they are better than you (everyone seems to take it that way now), they are saying that wanna help you, make things a little easier and maybe cover something you don't know yet.
    So maybe, we can all take the rest of the year at least or even resolute that in our interactions with others, especially cutting them off in our lives as punishment for whatever, try to understand them, hear them and be reasonable and caring and leave them with a happy.  Make each person you meet better and not worse, happy not sad, encouraged and not defeated.  The receiver needs to try that too.  None of us are responsible for doing everything the other wants in order to keep them, that is so wrong.  What we are redponsible for is ourselves. 
     Finally, it is not our place to punish anyone.  There is always going to be some hurt somewhere, but it doesn't mean everything is over. You don't through away all of the good cuz of the bad, it just erases all the good and depletes trust.  I don't know who to believe or not about how they feel.  I've had so many that have said the same thing and have decided I'm horrible with some nasty alterior motives, selfish, mean and uncaring.  I just don't get it.  None of us has enough friends to be tossing them out as soon as they get a little wrinkly-that's just knowing them and yourself better-fitting in, conditioning, getting comfortable.
     So try attempting to make every interaction leave happy sprinkles and not crappy ones.  It's the same amount of effort and will give you happies too. 
     I could go on forever as most of you know.  But please just consider all of this.  We need other people and no one is going to agree all the time or do everything perfectly for another, but there's still love and friendship and those fun, happy, meaningful times ahead if you let it ").
SMOOCHIES AND HAPPY SPRINKLES
LUVS,
JEN