OUR SCOUT DRAMA

This is long and kind of scattered but you get the idea-was gonna edit it, but decided to leave it with the passion with which it was written.

--Well, it's been an interesting ride so far.  What the hell has happened to scouts, I know this is not the way it's supposed to be and how dare anyone take something that has potential to be so wonderful and character
building and fun and adventurous, away from a child or anyone for that matter.

I wanted to make a statement of my experience so far with scouting with my son.
There is some good and so much potential for good at the begininning, but there are some problems that are unacceptable and go
against everything that scouting stands for and I'm pretty sure most would agree.
Please read as I need advice and help, cuz as most of you know-you don't mess with my kid's happiness ").

I am shocked and devastated and believe I have watched the destruction of what could have been an incredible asset to the community as I believe is one of the main purposes of scouting.

 My son, Joey aka The Joey is autistic so when we wanted to join scouts, it was the first thing he had seen and requested todo.  He saw then packleader/denleader Patrick in full uniform and said "I want to be like him"-what a huge thing for an autistic kid, so hell yeah he was joining cub scouts.

I have always had a positive view of scouting from my own girl scouts and also from my cousins, uncles, aunts, friends, classmates...I honestly never saw anything bad happen like what's going on here.

   Their were a few people that made us feel very comfortable and welcome and then the ones that sat back and completely ignored us, well and everyone, I don't remember feeling like that in scouts...ever.

   We ran into Patrick at the pack meeting, and his wife Suzy.  There son Riley was in Joey's den and I realized that I had seen their daughters around town and they had always been awesome with Joey and kind to us.  Patrick would be the den leader for the Bears that Joey was so excited to be a part of.  After talking with them, I found that Patrick was a paraprofessional in St Joe that worked with autistic kids and was also an EMT and firefighter, so needless to say, I felt very comfortable and relieved that someone that had experience with autism would be our den and pack leader and that we would be able to make scouts a positive part of Joey's life and growth.  I met the other den leaders, one was "J", who's wife happened to have been Joey's para in summer school and "G", who has a son with aspergers.
Needless to say, I felt like we were exactly where we were supposed to be.
Even better, a lot of the kids went to school with Joey and knew about his autism and have always been helpful and fair to him.

We went to Super Saturday and Joey and we had an amazing time.  Joey was over the moon at being able to do things that honestly I never thought he would or even that I wouldn't be too scared to let him.  It opened up a whole new world and to have leaders I could trust with my son made it even better.  We were all a family from the beginning.  He loved it so much that he was saying everyday for the next 2 weeks that he wanted to go back to "Camping Geiger"

A couple others were kind to us also but then there were a few that were very unapproachable and even intimidating and I could tell that they were annoyed with my son's normal imperfect autistic behaviors, even when they didn't last long because of interventions in my arsenol of mommy tricks.  I, of course, did not have any contact with or even knew who these people were and was never introduced or welcomed by them. Patrick ran the pack meetings and Suzy had a big part in designing and creating games, backdrops for themes and making sure there were snacks and anything that was needed. Their daughters even manned the games and snacks to help out.  I was very impressed with the team effort I was seeing and was going to be a part of
my son becoming a well rounded productive man in spite of the autism.

I fell in love with the other boys instantly and they were very receptive and caring with Joey, they asked questions and automatically befriended him and tried to learn how best to help him be a part of the den.  Joey was very excited anytime he got to wear his bear uniform and go to scouts. The boys, leaders and scouts became his new love and I was even able to use scouts as a reinforcer in helping with some of the other issues that autism can bring.

So the fall of 2009 was amazing.  Scouting was everything I thought it could be and had a huge impact on Joey and vice versa.
I decided then that I wanted to be a leader.  I had a lot of ideas and hopes and have always sought to help and be open to kids and also to teach them about acceptance and autism and tolerance. Joey was very proud to earn his bobcat and did it quickly.
He was writing the promise, law and motto everywhere.  the hard part was that he wanted to wear his uniform all the time ").
So together the kids did their requirements and at Blue and Gold in April became junior webelos (Joey had a hard time not wearing his bear stuff but when he realized it was like a new grade, he accepted the webelos gear).  I had a hard time letting go and still do, but was very proud that my son was becoming independent and doing so many amazing things and developing what I thought would be lasting relationships.  These people had become our friends and family and became one of the most important aspects in our lives, especially in my son's.  There was love, trust, honesty, mentoring, teaching, friendship and teamwork.
I knew this was gonna be great for my son and a big step for autism awareness as well.

We only missed one den meeting because Joey was sick, we went on outings and did everything we could with scouts.  I wrote a skit for them to do at a pack meeting and did pinewood derby, helped set up for Blue and Gold that Suzy cooked and ordered everything for and helped the boys do what all they needed to do. I signed up to be a leader at Blue and Gold and my husband, Shawn had already been a committee member.

   Now the icky stuff starts.....

In talking with friends, kids and parents, I found that a lot of boys had quit scouts and were not excited about going back even knowing I would be a leader.  It really surprised and saddened me.  I was really shocked at how many people had a "bad taste" for scouting in our small town.

I went to my first committee meeting after the boys becoming webelos and my becoming a leader.  I was a little concerned as far as being a parent and knowing what was going on and when and not understanding the camps and how the committe was supposed to work and who was in charge, etc. I had some ideas and couldn't wait to share with the group. I asked a few questions. Suzy and Patrick were there, along with Shawn, "P", the two "C"sand "D".  I mentioned a calender that I would like for the parents to get so they know what's upcoming with the pack and dens, I also asked about a website, I felt that it would be another
good way to keep parents informed,  I found hadn't been updated in a while. I was also told that we couldn't have a paper calender, no one else could do a website or even update the one that was there...basically it seemed that no one could do anything.  There wasn't a secretary, I had never met the treasurer and no other chair positions were filled. I didn't even realize until then that there were chair positions as I had seen Suzy and Patrick do all of what I found later to be the different chairs responsibilities.  From setting up outings and activities to keeping notes and making sure that everything was ready and all paperwork was in.  Suzy was the one that contacted the campsites, the park, the community center and anyone else that was needed to do the things we were supposed to do.  I did feel that if they didn't do it, it wouldn't have gotten done, it was expected.  When I realized that the committee was supposed to be doing this stuff and not just 1 or 2 people, I was surprised.
It was almost like people were scared to say...well pretty much anything.  There were so many things that I was told "R" says we can't do that" without explanation.  I didn't understand why we couldn't make it easier, if not my way, but in some way, for the parents to know what's going on and what they needed to do to help their kids succeed and be a part of scouting. "R" was not at the meeting, Suzy called him and asked if there was anything he wanted talked about and he said to take notes and that's about it.  "R" is the committee chair.  So I was confused about where he was, why I hadn't met him, why my son didn't know who he was, why for everything I suggested was I hearing ""R" said we can't do that", and honestly why he was chair if he didn't
want to do the things the chair is supposed to do.  I found that his kids had moved to the troop and "R" was a chair on the troop committee as well.  I honestly had only seen him a few times, sitting in the back of the pack meeting silently and setting up the projector for two events.  I know at first I asked him a question a couple times and was completely ignored so I just went to someone else, usually Patrick.  Everyone was kinda quiet and afraid to say anything.  I was shocked, there was serious lack of teamwork and communication and seemed to be someone just sitting up there going "no you can't" why "because I said". I asked why he was still committee chair if all of these things weren't happening as they should, I couldn't imagine scouting had made it a hundred years like this.  I had been told basically to watch out for him.  There were several other committee
members that were just as upset as I was-names if requested-that were saying that if he didn't wanna do the job or he wasn't doing the job or wasn't able to do the job, that he should step down and cut ties. So it was decided not by one person but by several that we would request a meeting to address these issues.  We agreed that we needed to do something to get this pack working as it should.  One member offered to have his father who is successful in scouts, come and show us how to do it.  We all thought it was a great idea.

Next thing that I received or heard was a forwarded email from Patrick requesting the meeting with "R" for the following Monday and then a forwarded reply from "R" "We will need to do the committee meeting Tuesday night I have a troop meeting at the church".

That Tuesday I received a call from Suzy very upset that she had received a phone call from "K" ("R"'s wife and Charter Org Rep) that was confrontational.  She was very upset, she was being accused of starting a witchhunt and so on.  She had said she was going to quit and I talked her into going ahead and coming to the committee meeting.  I was nervous because I had been told of several instances of people-adults and kids-being yelled at or reprimanded for simple questions or desicions.

  Shawn and I arrived at the meeting and "G", "R", Russ"R2" and "C" were there. "R" suggested restarting the meeting and they agreed.  "R" began by saying that this was an open meeting and anyone could say anything about any issue.  No one said anything and so I started.  I asked "R" what all he did as Committee chair and he told me he was in charge of the administrative things and I asked what administrative things and he was not happy.  He said that he has done everything he's supposed to do as Committee Chair.  I disagreed and pulled out the lists I had printed with job descriptions for each committee member. The first one he did, I listed a couple that he had not been doing, especially with regards to parents and scouts.  He said at one point that he didn't even want the job and so I asked him why he hadn't moved on and I was told that there needed to be a replacement and I asked why have we not done that in addition to assigning other committee positions so that things were actually getting done.  "G" stepped in as there was obvious tension-which I'm told is fairly typical-and said that he would take the chair position if it would help keep us and things running.  Everyone agreed and it was made clear that "R" would have to stay on and help get "G" and the other committee members trained.  "R" said that it had been a "one man show"-I said that it couldn't have been, what about the parents, the scouts, the leaders and "R2" interrupted and said I wasn't understanding and that it was a one
man show, I did interrupt and he asked if he could finish (at this point voices were raised) and I said yes as long as he's not yelling at me.  He immediately got up to leave and was very upset and wondering what the tension was about.  I do know that he and "R" are good friends and feel he was being protective of him, which I understand but it doesn't change the things that still needed to be done for our kids. "J", another member of the committee said that we needed to get these things done and that he had never seen a committee or pack have trouble like this and that he talks to other scout adults and this stuff isn't happening there. At this point "K" had arrived and Patrick and Suzy had arrived and none of them had been involved yet.  I asked why we
were not making these changes then.  "K" than said that they were trying to solve some things and then "M" got pushed out.("M" is a previous committee member before I was there, it was said that Suzy and Patrick speerheaded that ousting)  So Suzy was very upset as this comment was obviously directed at her and Patrick and said about being called and yelled at for 45 minutes at home with her kids being accused of trying to get them out.  At this point she was very upset and left the meeting with "K" saying "Look at you, cussing in a church" Suzy was already leaving so I'm not sure why "K" continued.   "G" again tried to alleviate some of the tension and it was agreed that we would try to move forward and start anew and not go back to he said, she
said and past issues. 

I started again with as a parent, I didn't feel that I was getting information or instruction or even know who I needed to go to with ideas or concerns as I didn't know who was who on the committee and who was in charge of what. "R" said that it was the leaders job and not his and again that he did everything he was supposed to. So again it got heated and again someone alleviated it, I believe "J".  So I asked about the website and about a calender and about who the council members were and how to reach them for the parents.  "R" asked why should he have to tell the parents this stuff and I said why wouldn't you let them
know, it's not hurting it can only help.  At this point "R" walked out.

"K" then tried to take over and said that they were told that "Pastor" accepted Suzy and Patricks resignation. Suzy had come back in at some point and was adamant that she didn't say anything about Patrick resigning and "K" argued with her that she said she and her son would go elsewhere so it was assumed that Patrick would too.  "Pastor" was out of town and told "K" on the phone that he accepted the resignations and oh well "Pastor" accepted them so it's the case. I also addressed this fact that until we find out more and actually have a meeting with "Pastor" and others that we couldn't make a decision regarding what was said or anything until we know for sure.  Patrick was asking what he was supposed to do re: the upcoming pack meeting and also den meetings and the list of things that we had come up with to do at the last committee meeting, that Patrick
and Suzy were doing.  The meeting ended on a stable note and it was agreed that we would get more information and move forward instead of looking back, we moved forward in possibilites for committee members and "J" said he could probably do the Outings chair and I said I could do the PR or Secretary but would have to make sure.  I offered a list of all the job responsibilities list for all of the committee positions and they were accepted by most members.

I then started receiving emails from "P" with ideas and decisions for the pack meeting.  I was a little surprised that Patrick was not a part of this or even sent the info as a parent.  I received emails regarding the upcoming (first webelo meeting for our kids) with no mention of Patrick.  When I arrived at the meeting last Monday as a leader, I told them that Patrick had to work but that "G" who prior was assistant den leader would be here.  The other leader said "Oh I thought Patrick was gone" and I said that no I didn't think so and that I hadn't heard any decision.  I talked to Patrick prior to the meeting and he hadn't been told anything either. Patrick and Suzy's son who is with my son as a new webelo was at and participated in the meeting.  "G" also attended the meeting agreeing that he didn't know what was going on either.

A couple days later I received a message that from Suzy upon my inquiry if she had heard anything that she, Patrick and Riley-their 9 year old son and friend of the others were asked to leave completely.

 At this point is when I decided that this was no longer a wait and see issue.  There was no reason for them to be removed, they hadn't done anything wrong.  They did not start a "witchhunt" as they said.  I'm the one who began to question things as well as other committee members. There were a lot of parents and scouts that we had lost as well because of the issues and dysfunction.

Patrick and Suzy OConnor had done 90 percent of keeping this pack running.  They made themselves known to and vice versa the scouts and parents. They were very involved and encouraging and quite capable and positive influences and were definitely do this for their son and the other boys.  To my son and I, they were in charge and they were doing things, they gave me information when I asked.  They were there for
whatever was needed and the boys recognized them as friends and leaders as well and trusted them completely as did I.

I received an email from the other webelo leader that it was official Patrick was gone and asking what parts we wanted to take in continuation of the den.  I haven't been able to answer, I really want to be a part of these boys lives and to keep Joey's friends and status intact. But I do not think that going against my trust and beliefs and ignoring something that I believe is so wrong and against what scouting means will help anyone and is definitely not being true to myself or my son or friends or family.

I don't understand that the laws and ideals behind scouting could be ignored so clearly and that this could even happen. First to ask Suzy and Patrick to leave when they were the ones that led and were trusted and adhered to scout morals and ethics that I felt were important to scouting and the reason that I was so excited and positive that being a scout would be beneficial to my son and to me.


Kicking a 9 year old out is appalling to me. He loves scouting and was very good at it, as were the other members of the new webelos. They advanced together and became friends to my son and each other.  I had started to see social behaviors that most autistic kids really aren't expected to do.  They were a team along with Patrick, Suzy, "G" and I and there were no issues within the team at all aside from me wanting to get more information to the parents.

There is the option of going to another pack which we have been invited to. Patrick and Suzy and Riley and me and my son deserve to be in a pack here in our town that we helped to build and move forward. Transition will be difficult for Riley and even moreso with Joey as any transition is for an autistic child, especially with something that he loves so much. I can't stay in a pack that will kick out a 9 year old cuz your mad at his mom, because she was the accused when the Charter Org's husband was questioned about what he did or didn't do as Committe Chair.  It has broken hearts as Patrick was a real friend to these boys.  I loved them, several from our neighborhood and JOey's class. I do not want to let them down as well as the other webelo leaders but I can't stand by and be a part of something so wrong and to have to see these kids suffer and fear being kicked out of scouts.

I don't know if other committee members are backtracking or keeping quiet so that they won't get in trouble. It seems to be the usual with "R" as Chair, no one likes to get in trouble or be yelled at, especially in front of kids or parents.  I feel that the BSa has made it a hundred years and have procedures in place to deal with these issues and I believe they have been completely ignored in preference of not pissing someone off.

This is nothing that I ever thought scouts would be in my life or community or especially in my son's world.

I am devastated that something that was so wonderful and beneficial for all of these kids and parents and the things that we could have done have been destroyed by bitterness and accusations and in my opinion flat out meanness and power trips and personal feelings.

What has happened is completely wrong and I have trouble fathoming even how it got this far when no one did anything wrong or
immoral or unethical
but the people that are still in charge.

I was since told that the 3-"R", "K" and "Pastor" were doing interviews for committee and leader positions. So far
those that were outspoken
even if they were already leaders or had already agreed to a committee position have yet to be called.

I do not know what procedure from here is, but I do know that if this is allowed or ignored then everything I ever thought
scouting meant
from the time I was in Brownie's is destroyed.

As of today-I've been asked to be Webelo leader and we have also been invited to join pack in Cameron. Riley has not been allowed back to our pack, I really can't be a part of a group that will kick a 9 year old out of scouts and away from friends that he loves.  I'm very sad for those who allowed this and also to those that are doing nothing to stand up for what is right.  If we were a team as we should be, then this would not have happened.