8-30-08-repost-SO WHAT HAPPENED 8-30-08
Hi there,
Just thought I should share why I was having such a hard time last week and several other days. I know there were a few people that were worried and thanks for all your support.
On top of the usual, Jennifer crappy stuff, that seems to always be around, money, friends, family.
A guy from up the road stopped by to see about buying the camper, that I can now only use for storage, it works though. Anyway, I think it may be about time to let it go, I just have to find another storage option. Anyway, while I was talking to him, we got talking about the GTO and Joe's truck, he asked if it was the green Chevy and I said "Oh you've seen it around time" and he said "Yeah, but I saw the accident and that his wife saw it even better"
Let me go back, the day of Joe's accident all I knew was that he didn't suffer and they also said that we're not just saying that, we're positive. A couple days later while making funeral arrangement, we were leaving and mom went back in. I had been told that there were 3 cars in a row, Joe was at the back, the first car pulled halfway into a driveway and, the second car had to swing around her, Joe drove a 1970 Chevy C10, doesn't exactly stop on a dime, so he had to swing around her too, and he cut back as a car was coming and hit the ditch. Now I knew that an accident like that would not kill that man. So I knew that he had to have been thrown out and crushed by the truck. It just didn't make any since other wise. I finally asked my mother if that were the case and she asked if I really wanted the truth and of course I said yes and she told me I was right, he was thrown out and crushed.
The tow truck driver that answered Joe's phone (it was the same as his) and told me he was dead was having a really hard time with all he saw and also hearing the pain from me over the phone. I stopped in to see him one day and gave him Joe's devotional and a letter and talked to him a little, and that's when I found out because I asked that Joe was actually crushed and bent in the door under the truck.
A few months ago that was validated as a family friend who had seen the accident to verified that he was shut actually in the door. I also knew because when I touched his stomach at the funeral, I felt plastic or something that wasn't him.
I still felt that something wasn't making sense and I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. I had thought by all that I had been told and led to believe and tried to figure out on my own was that the truck when he turned back right too fast, slid all the way facing the other way and he went out the drivers side door or windshield and was shut in the door against the ground. This made me able to justify that he may or may not have lived if he had worn his seatbelt.
Well I found out from this gentlemen that the truck was actually on the passenger side, which means that when he swerved back to the right that he tried to turn back right and instead of the road just drove in the ditch still facing forward so he just kinda drove on the side against the ditch, and was actually shut in the passenger door which means that he had to have gone from the drivers side to the passenger side pretty quickly in order to be shut in the door when it hit the ground, therefor I'm pretty sure that had he worn his seatbelt he would at the very least stayed on the drivers side and not been smashed in the door. It also seems that he went through the windshield on the passenger side and was bent to be smashed in the door.
I was very devastated realizing all this, but it all made so much more sense, even though I was a bit angry with him. I went through a couple rough days and then back to depression, as I'm sure you all knew. I'm still not OK with it, but I do believe that knowing what actually happened may help me move forward more than I had been able to.
Before this I would sit or lay for hours trying to picture exactly how this accident happened and the worst scenarios and so many different variables but not one made sense, I just didn't feel that any were right.
Now I know.
I guess we'll see in the near future how that will effect me, the first week or two wasn't so good but I think that little snippet of closure will help.
Aside from that, I had friends bein dorkheads and scaring and confusing me and then actin all innocent like they had nothing to do with all of the stuff that was upsetting me. Seems to be the consensus that I bring it all on myself. Well, guess what? I'm not accepting that anymore, what I do bring on I will admit too, but most of the time at least one other person contributed to the hurt whether they want to pretend like they didn't or not.
I'm trying to relook at my life and see what all is going on around me and to take that in and make my life what I've always wanted it to be. Instead of shying away and not saying something because I'm afraid, afraid of making a fool out of myself, afraid of what people may think, afraid that everything will go wrong.
I know this will all take a lot of work, but I'm ready to refocus and see what else there is in life for me.
Luvs,
Jen
Just thought I should share why I was having such a hard time last week and several other days. I know there were a few people that were worried and thanks for all your support.
On top of the usual, Jennifer crappy stuff, that seems to always be around, money, friends, family.
A guy from up the road stopped by to see about buying the camper, that I can now only use for storage, it works though. Anyway, I think it may be about time to let it go, I just have to find another storage option. Anyway, while I was talking to him, we got talking about the GTO and Joe's truck, he asked if it was the green Chevy and I said "Oh you've seen it around time" and he said "Yeah, but I saw the accident and that his wife saw it even better"
Let me go back, the day of Joe's accident all I knew was that he didn't suffer and they also said that we're not just saying that, we're positive. A couple days later while making funeral arrangement, we were leaving and mom went back in. I had been told that there were 3 cars in a row, Joe was at the back, the first car pulled halfway into a driveway and, the second car had to swing around her, Joe drove a 1970 Chevy C10, doesn't exactly stop on a dime, so he had to swing around her too, and he cut back as a car was coming and hit the ditch. Now I knew that an accident like that would not kill that man. So I knew that he had to have been thrown out and crushed by the truck. It just didn't make any since other wise. I finally asked my mother if that were the case and she asked if I really wanted the truth and of course I said yes and she told me I was right, he was thrown out and crushed.
The tow truck driver that answered Joe's phone (it was the same as his) and told me he was dead was having a really hard time with all he saw and also hearing the pain from me over the phone. I stopped in to see him one day and gave him Joe's devotional and a letter and talked to him a little, and that's when I found out because I asked that Joe was actually crushed and bent in the door under the truck.
A few months ago that was validated as a family friend who had seen the accident to verified that he was shut actually in the door. I also knew because when I touched his stomach at the funeral, I felt plastic or something that wasn't him.
I still felt that something wasn't making sense and I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. I had thought by all that I had been told and led to believe and tried to figure out on my own was that the truck when he turned back right too fast, slid all the way facing the other way and he went out the drivers side door or windshield and was shut in the door against the ground. This made me able to justify that he may or may not have lived if he had worn his seatbelt.
Well I found out from this gentlemen that the truck was actually on the passenger side, which means that when he swerved back to the right that he tried to turn back right and instead of the road just drove in the ditch still facing forward so he just kinda drove on the side against the ditch, and was actually shut in the passenger door which means that he had to have gone from the drivers side to the passenger side pretty quickly in order to be shut in the door when it hit the ground, therefor I'm pretty sure that had he worn his seatbelt he would at the very least stayed on the drivers side and not been smashed in the door. It also seems that he went through the windshield on the passenger side and was bent to be smashed in the door.
I was very devastated realizing all this, but it all made so much more sense, even though I was a bit angry with him. I went through a couple rough days and then back to depression, as I'm sure you all knew. I'm still not OK with it, but I do believe that knowing what actually happened may help me move forward more than I had been able to.
Before this I would sit or lay for hours trying to picture exactly how this accident happened and the worst scenarios and so many different variables but not one made sense, I just didn't feel that any were right.
Now I know.
I guess we'll see in the near future how that will effect me, the first week or two wasn't so good but I think that little snippet of closure will help.
Aside from that, I had friends bein dorkheads and scaring and confusing me and then actin all innocent like they had nothing to do with all of the stuff that was upsetting me. Seems to be the consensus that I bring it all on myself. Well, guess what? I'm not accepting that anymore, what I do bring on I will admit too, but most of the time at least one other person contributed to the hurt whether they want to pretend like they didn't or not.
I'm trying to relook at my life and see what all is going on around me and to take that in and make my life what I've always wanted it to be. Instead of shying away and not saying something because I'm afraid, afraid of making a fool out of myself, afraid of what people may think, afraid that everything will go wrong.
I know this will all take a lot of work, but I'm ready to refocus and see what else there is in life for me.
Luvs,
Jen
posted by Jenboops @ 10:35 PM
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